This time in Dudes and Dogs I bring you:
My Husband Taylor Lautner! (And his dog I don’t know the name of..)
Editor-In-Chief of Fagazine,
Post Script: Happy Superbowl Sunday! I will be blogging about the celebrity aspect of this sporting event tonight or tomorrow morning, so stay tuned!
Hi, I’m Zach and I’m addicted to TV.
Hold it, Judgemental Jennifer. I’m not asking for an intervention because its not a real addiction, duh.
Its time for a duel, between DVR and TiVo. Because I don’t know the difference between the two. So, fill me in and fight for the team you play for. Yes, you all ARE enablers to my addictions. But relax, its not like its cocaine. In which case I would ask Dina for LiLo’s old contacts.
Anyways, the reason I am bring this up is because all my shows are starting up again, and there are new shows conflicting with my already packed schedule.
Kourtney and Kim take New York, and Brothers & Sisters are BOTH on at ten. How am I to choose between that Sensational Sally Fields, and the Khristian Louboutin wearing Kardashians?
And starting this month “My Life as Liz” Season 2 is going to conflict with the big G, GLEE. It obviosly won’t come between the two of us, but I love me some Liz. (American Idol is trying to come between me and Modern Family, as IF.)
90210 AND Gossip Girl come back to the CW tonight, and tomorrow I am going to be blogging about the two of them. Forum style. If y’all don’t comment, I won’t do it again.
So prepare your comical quips, and juxtapositional jabs.
Finally, award season updates. The RAZZIES have released a list of their nominations this year, and my husband Taylor Lautner got not one, but TWO nods for worst actor. (Valentines Day, and Twilight Saga Eclipse.)
Don’t worry TayTay, I’ll never leave you. (But if you don’t go easy on that product in your hair, we’re going to a counselor.)
Hey, where’d ya get that sweatshirt?
If I’m ever at a beach bonfire with Jason Mraz at sunset, that oughta do the trickity trick track.
Editor-In-Chief of Fagazine,
Maybe you’ll understand this title by the end of the post. Maybe you won’t.
(But if you don’t, you’re an idiot. I’m putting the key words in bold for all you Republicans reading.)
Next on the docket, is a big congrats to Natalie Portman for her recent engagement, and her pregnancy! Maybe her baby will be part swan!
(Get it? Cause in her last movie she turned into a demon swan.) All animalistic puns aside, have you guys seen her rock yet? Its gor-geous. I bet the royal family is pissed because its better than Princess Diana’s old one. But Natalie, don’t sweat it gurl, they used a hand me down (too soon?) . You’d have won regardless.
In Sarah Palin News, I use the word “news” freely, her show “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” has been cancelled.
(Republicans: That’s Sarah Palin clubbing a Halibut to death on television. Dead Halibut.)
Finally. Taylor Lautner at the GQ Men of the Year Party. Because who doesn’t enjoy a little eye candy?
Editor-In-Chief of Fagazine,
Its no secret that the Entertainment industry is a world of shallow people, materialism, and overpaid dumb asses. But it also isn’t a secret that we eat that shit up. When I got home from a day out, I got on my computer and went surfing through my usual hollywood smut on the internet and came across a story about my hubby, Taylor Lautner. The story is completely outrageous, and true. And it involves the teenage heart throb turning not into a werewolf, but a DIVA. Yes, I am serious. I don’t fuck around with anything involving Jacob Black.
So here it is.
Taytay, and his father arranged for an RV to be completely gutted and remodeled for Taylor to take on the set of his next movie. The price tag on this little endeavor was in the ballpark of $300,000. Now aside from the unnecessary expenditures shown here on behalf of the Lautner clan this doesn’t seem far outside of the Hollywood realm of idiocracy. Taylor was informed that the RV would not, in fact, be ready for the upcoming flick and promptly decided to sue the company for fraud, and breaching their contract. Or something along those lines. Come on Taytay! YOU’RE the one who released statements saying things like you still mow your lawn at home and do the dishes to maintain a level of normalcy in your life. Newsflash, bb. Buying a $300,000 RV and then throwing a bitch fit about not getting it in time for your new movie, which you will make millions off of, is not normal. What shocked me most about this story is the fact that it had little effect on my opinion of Wolfy, for reasons that I think are apparent. As shown by the picture on the left of this post. Hollywood gets away with an incredible amount of shennanigans because of their aesthetic. They’re all beautiful. I for one, am not ashamed to say that I am a material girl, and like adore and all things glamorous. I bought a white blackberry because I thought it was more chic. So I am in no position to criticize the powers that be in the Hollywood Hills. But as a citizen of the US of America (nods head like “Dubya” as he types) I am going to assert my right to freedom of speech. All the people, like the bitches on The View, and the “Serious Media” moguls like Nancy Grace -moron- and Larry King -deceased- bash the high rollers who walk down the red carpet for the things that they do, are just feeding the madness. They come across as if they are some other class of human beings. But really, if they were so far above the hooligans of The Wood, they wouldn’t be covering these stories for higher ratings. So put that in your BBm and send it America. I just got serious about Hollywood.
The only thing that really grinds my gears about the obsession with appearance in Hollyhood is when people mistake good looks for talent. Now, I may enjoy going to see all the installments of the Twilight Saga at midnight showings but I have no illusions of talent coming from the screen my eyes are glued to. Lets be real, KStew is a mess, and portrays the character of Bella Swan as an angsty lesbian. So basically, herself. But because she has great eyes and good bone structure we keep watching. Taylor Lautner’s CGI wolf has more stage presence than he does. And RPatz, I mean what is there to say? Not great. I really don’t want to Remember You. So when fans of performers like Justin Beiber, and Taylor Swift mistake their good looks and nice clothes with talent, I get annoyed. Beiber Bitches, Ima tell you one time, your boy can’t sing. I’ll admit his songs are fun to listen to, but so are The Pussycat Dolls. They’re not actually singing anything. So flip your hideous hair all you want Beibs. I’m on to you. I REALLY don’t understand the obsession this country has with Taylor Swift, because she can’t sing AND she looks like the bride of frankenstein. Seriously, she is a dead face. So if someone could explain to me why she is such a mega hit, it would be much appreciated. (Not really, you aren’t gonna change my mind.)
So, as I step off of my soap box, I would like to remind you all to NOT be ashamed of your love for the glitz and the glam of red carpet season. The hair, the flowing gowns, the hottie hunks that strut their stuff are not a waste of time. After all, someone has to keep the bar raised high. Personal appearance limbo isn’t a game I am interested in playing. So, stay strong Hollywood. Fuck you Barbara Walters.
Editor In Cheif of Fagazine,
PS: A note to the people who say they don’t care about Hollywood: Do you take pride in what you wear, and do you shower daily?